On how gay men are going to marry your girlfriends

So, recently proponents of gay marriage (ie, gay people) decided to take a different tactic to convince people of their cause...

And not to be out done, of course there's this counterpart...

Haha, get it? It's funny because gay men act like women (thus they are perfect matches!) and gay women act like men (and thus are perfect matches!). Okay, I actually really enjoyed the videos. But why must gender stereotypes be so pervasive that even gay people get clumped (reversely....) into them? Nothing can escape gender boxes. Did you see New Normal last week?  Here, let me catch you up:

Last week's episode was about finding out the sex of the baby. When they found out they were having a boy, Bryan freaked out because how would he relate to a boy?! Don't worry, it ended with Bryan teaching a football team how to cook (and realizing he could teach boys to do girl things so really he had nothing to worry about). Really, Ryan Murphy, really?

See, it's the NEW normal. Oh wait, no it's not. It's just two men pretending to be the old normal. Just another show with gender stereotypes. I guess it's the only way we can process relationships. But it doesn't have to be.  IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE.




PS- Chocolate baked mousse was.. okay.  These brownies? DELICIOUS.

On what I am thankful for

I don't know if you know this, but Thanksgiving is a few days away. Regardless of the fact that Medicare doesn't believe in holidays, I do. And I'm working on Saturday just so I can eat and sleep and watch football and be thankful for delicious stuffing. I write this to you as something very delicious is baking in my oven. Something that smells so magical my mind is hardly able to think of anything else.

What is this magical thing? Chocolate baked mousse. Now, maybe you've never had mousse before.  Maybe you don't know in the hierarchy of desserts, it is king. It eats pies for breakfast, stomps on pudding, and laughs at cakes (even the cup kind). I love desserts. But I just don't understand desserts that don't have chocolate. Let me illustrate my feelings.

Don't get me wrong. There are outliers (see above) but in the grand scheme of things, the less chocolate it has the less it is worth eating to me.  Apple pie? Delicious. But if I eat it, it's going to be one of my fruits and vegetables for the day.

In conclusion, my chocolate baked mousse may not be the best thing I've ever made. It may be not fluffy at all. I may just end up as a blob.  But at least it will be a blob of chocolate. And for that, I am thankful.

On the never ending cycle

I really like my job.  I like (most) of my coworkers, it is very laid back, I like (most) of my patients, I have great hours, I'm finally getting the hang of everything so I am not nearly as overwhelmed as I was when I started.  Even though I really like my job, I recently had a bit of a freak out.  While getting my 401K set up, after some quick calculations (I'm 25 now... 65 when I retire..), I realized I was going to be working at least until 2052.  Twenty-fifty-two. That's so far in the future it doesn't even sound like a date. That's when I realized I have entered a never ending cycle.

The monotony of work was suddenly crushing me. In school you have set semesters, with set breaks between them.  Tired of a waking up early? Well, we are going to have 4 weeks off for winter break. And it's not just that I miss the breaks between semesters.  I was prepared for that. I realized that was going to end.  It's the fact that in January I will not be starting something new. Now I am going to be doing the same thing for 40 years.

I guess it's not always the same, though. While I may give out the same exercises, I learn something new pretty much every day.  Like when my patient told me she knew her roommate was a Yankee because she used too much toilet paper.  Before this, I had no idea Yankees used too much toilet paper; now I can spot a Yankee a roll of toilet paper away. She then taught me how to fold the toilet paper (rather than ball it up) so that I wouldn't be confused for a Yankee. Now that kind of education does not happen every day.

On how I may have spoken too soon

Remember this?

Funny story.

So, on each hall that the residents live on, there is one hand washing station for all the nurses, etc. The soap dispenser at this station looks a lot like this:

You may be familiar with this dispenser.  In case you aren't, here's how you work it.

Now for months, hall three has been out of soap.  Months being as long as I have been working there.  Then, hall one ran out of soap.  AND THEY NEVER REFILLED IT.  I was so disgusted by the fact that all of the nursing staff was not washing their hands that I didn't know what to do with myself.  I mean, how gross is that? How can a place be out of soap for months? Can you imagine what kinds of things they touch without washing their hands? There was hand sanitizer... but sometimes you NEED to wash your hands. I would judge and judge and judge people on the long walk from hall three back to the therapy gym where I could finally was my hands with good old soap and water. On Friday, here's what happened:

It appears I may have been a little early in my judgement over the difficulty of soap dispensers. My patients may not be able to figure out automatic soap dispensers, but clearly, I can't figure out the manual ones.

On the best marketing scheme. ever.

So, I recently made a wonderful discovery. Hair cuts at cosmetology school. How I lived 25 years of my life without this knowledge is beyond me.  I have never been that high maintenance with my hair cuts and I have always been cheap. Needless to say, after discovering the wonderful land of institutes of hair design, my life was quite changed.

1) It's cheap.
2) You can walk in on a Saturday and there's no wait.
3) If you do make an appointment, they were ready for you when you get there (and don't seem to "forget" I made an appointment and make me wait 2 hours. Thanks Shannon)
4) All of the student's work was awkwardly "checked over" by her supervisor (which let's face it, most people could use some good quality control, even if they aren't students)

When the supervisor was checking over the student's work, he suggested I try a certain shampoo they were selling because my hair "needed it". I was so over joyed by the experience that I decided to take his advice. I was saving so much money; plus I have never had real salon shampoo.  It comes in a tiny, shiny bottle, so it must be nice.  Suave may think there's no difference, but I was about to see for myself.

Oh it looks so FANCY!

As I was checking out, the supervisor said "Even if you don't notice a different after the first bottle, keep using it."

BRILLIANT.

Who needs 100% satisfaction guaranteed? That implies the product works.  "Just keep using it" should be the tagline for every product. It ensures repeat costumers with no promise of actually working.

So, have I noticed a difference from the shampoo? Duh, that's not the point. I'm going to keep using it anyways.

On how the government ruined my lunch

I've always been taught that, generally, it's a good idea to steer clear of a few topics at work.  Religion.  Politics.  And what exactly hot dogs are made of.  Generally, people already have formed opinions of the world and not only does getting into a "discussion" (yelling match) of different views fail to convert anyone, it also usually leads to a slightly strained working environment.  This is why when I came in a for a week (A WEEK) last month and the TV in the gym was turned to Fox News I didn't say anything.  I mean, on the one hand, Fox News is fair and balanced.  On the other hand anybody who watches Fox News probably thinks that "my family" and I are single handedly ruining all things that are good and pure in the world.

It has come to my attention that not all of my coworkers have been taught this very important life lesson.  Lunch is always a special time where you make some pretty big life decisions based on where you sit.  For me the choices include:
1) Alone at my "desk" (table)
2) At somebody else's desk in the office area
3) In the kitchen at the table

Clearly, for comfort's sake, the kitchen table seems most appropriate.  But then, who sits next to you?  That can make or break your lunch period.  On Friday, a patient bought us pizzas and we all crowded around the kitchen table.  As one of my coworkers was checking her phone for facebook updates and saw that Michelle Obama would be visiting soon, she shared it with the rest of the table.  In response, another coworker leaned over to coworker number one and responded with "Why do I care?"  And then proceeded to rant about how her friend lives in New York City and can't order a soda bigger than 16 oz and why does the government want to control all her choices?  America is about freedom!  Why can't the government just let people make their own choices?

Yes, why can't the government let people make their own choices?  Wow. That sounds familiar.  Like how I feel about things other than Pepsi.  Like... gay marriage.  And abortion.  Due to aforementioned life lesson, I had to use all of my will power to hold in my opinions.  Unfortunately for you guys, I have no qualms with sharing my feelings with you.  So, I would like to now, in cartoon form, share with you my opinions.  Let's take a quick look at the long lasting effects of government making decisions for you.

Yes. Clearly your soda is important.

On dressing up and dressing down

Some of my patients wear real clothes to see me, but others wear this..

Which means when they ride the bike, I have to find a sheet to put over their legs.
"Honey, I'm 82! I don't care who sees me!"
But everybody else does.

So, it was surprising to me to find out how much my patients care when they have a doctor's appointment.

Patient: "When is it?"
Me: "Sometime today."
Patient: "When are they picking me up?"
Me: "Sometime today."
Patient: "I need to shower! I need clean clothes! I need a razor to shave my legs!"

I pick up your leg every day.  You don't need to shave for me?

It appears this is how they think the world is set up:

"I only wear bras to the doctor and to church."

Seriously, somebody actually said that exact phrase to me yesterday.  With no prompting.  Awesome.