On the hetero-sanctity of marriage

I've been gone for a while.  I apologize.  But I've been busy.  For one, we decided to paint our bedroom furniture.  While this sounded like a great idea at the time, it turned out to be quite a time consuming process (and one that is still not completed).  What have I learned from this epic adventure?

1) Drawers that look like mazes that have been forged in the fiery furnaces of Mordor with their tiny crevices are generally harder to paint than smooth surfaces (ie, walls).

2) The darker the wood the more coats of primer you need.  And primer isn't fun to paint.

Tada.  At least the dressers are finished.

And... 4 coats of primer and 2 coats of paint later.

I've spent every other moment of free time attending weddings in what will be henceforth known as the summer-of-everybody-I-know-is-getting-married.  With six down, two to go, we are going for a record eight (8!) weddings in one calendar year.  I was impressed when it was seven, but with a last minute wedding addition in November, I think the record is safe.

Generally, I love weddings.  They are fun, people are happy, and there's free beer. But it's hard to go to a wedding when you're gay.  For one, I live in a state where I can't get married and it's hard to put that aside and celebrate with people who are legally allowed to do something that I am not.  It's like going to a bar and watching your best friend have a beer when you are only 20, except on your next birthday you'll still not be able to drink that beer unless you move states and even then you get a watered down beer at best.

Anyways, I digress.  It's also hard because everything about weddings is extremely gendered. Girls go to the bridal shower and boys look at strippers.  Brides get walked down the aisle by their fathers and are given away like cattle.  The happy couple is introduced as "Mr. and Mrs. Husband's Full Name" (really? that still happens?). Bible verses are read about the importance of marriage and how women were created from a man's rib or something.  Look, I'm not saying you should wait to get married until everybody can get married (though, let's be honest, that is the only fair option), I'm just saying it highlights how gay people are different than straight people and that's lame.

I guess in the end, the weddings I've been going to are not about me (what?! WHAT?!) and I need to get over it.  So to all the happy couples... I hope nobody ever tears you asunder.

On why scrubs are awesome

Scrubs are like wearing your pajamas to work!

Look how happy they are to be wearing scrubs!  This is how I look all day.

Only if your pajamas were covered in poop and MRSA.

And this is why I wash my hands after changing out of them.

Also, they are more expensive than pajamas.  Which is why I only have five pairs.

On why automatic soap dispensers are my new enemy

One of the most amazing things about PT is how it makes people poop.  I mean, you get somebody up and walking that doesn't walk very much and things get moving (and I'm not talking about their legs).  With so much pooping, I have one very important question.  No, it's not why everybody's poop smells the same (same food?  same medicine?), though I do wonder.  What I want to know is why they would install automatic soap and paper towel dispensers in bathrooms that would clearly be used by those over the age of 65.  Why do I wonder this?  Because this is what I deal with all day:

I feel like I'm trapped in the first 30 minutes of 2001 space odyssey.

It's in the computer?!

Eventually I procure the magical soap and give it to them.  I understand the need for sanitation in health facilities.  And I understand that having a soap dispenser that doesn't require touching is important for decreasing the spread of germs.  But, for the time it wastes in my day I think it would be worth taking another look into the matter.  I mean, they end up touching the entire dispenser anyways.  There might as well be a button.

On things you wouldn't ask a straight person

Straight relationships are steeped in tradition.  Gender roles, marriage, breeding... people generally know what to expect.  When this breaks down, people have questions.  No matter how many times I am asked these questions, I still have no idea how to respond.  

For instance:

Since this question is usually followed by "Who does the cooking?" and "Who fixes things around the house?" I'm assuming they want to know who does the traditionally male activities. You could, I suppose, ask anybody in a straight relationship this question.  But people don't.  

Or:

Maybe we should save the engagement questions for after it happens?

And, my personal favorite...

I mean really.  Not "Are you going to have babies".  But "How".  How are YOU going to have babies?

In conclusion, I will leave you with this short letter:

Dear Breeders,

Yes, my relationship may be different from yours.  But it doesn't mean you need ask very specific details about it.

Love.

Gay people